ABBOTT CLOSES ALL BARBECUE RESTAURANTS IN TEXAS

When Governor Greg Abbott ordered brisket delivered to the governor’s mansion last night from a local Austin barbecue restaurant, he was shocked at the taste, and not in a good way. It was packed in styrofoam boxes and the brisket was cold, the fries were soggy, and the beans were next to inedible.

“Barbecue brisket is the staple meal of Texans, and I shudder to think that we have to survive on cold and soggy foods like this. I am immediately ordering all barbecue restaurants in Texas to close until such time as I re-open them. “No Texan should have to endure soggy brisket delivered in styrofoam. It’s an outrage”.


He continued in his executive order, “I know this will put a financial hardship on many small business owners in the state, but I am confident that that they can re-open as sandwich shops or carry-out delis until this crisis is over. No Texan’s taste buds need to be offended as badly as mine were, no matter how bad this crisis becomes.”

We were unable to determine which restaurant sold the Governor his brisket at the time of this article.

And yes, this is an April Fools joke. (I think I may open a satire site like the Babylon Bee. These are more fun to write than real news!)

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