DAD JOKES

Here is a collection of some pretty cool dad jokes. We are adding more all the time!


  • “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
  • “I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.”
  • “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
  • “It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.”
  • “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.”
  • “The bank keeps calling me to give me compliments. They say I have an “outstanding balance.””
  • “What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.”
  • “Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.”
  • “Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?”
  • “How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.”
  • “To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!”
  • “I had a dream about being a muffler. I woke up exhausted.”
  • “Here are some pretty funny dad jokes that will leave you groaning!”
  • “What’s the least-spoken language in the world? Sign language.”
  • “”Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.””
  • “”What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.””
  • “”If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.””
  • “”What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.””
  • “What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.”
  • “”I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.””
  • “”Where do boats go when they’re sick?” “To the boat doc.””
  • “”Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.””
  • “”Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.””
  • “”Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.””
  • “”Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!””
  • “”I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.””
  • “”What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sofishticated.””
  • “”What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.””
  • “Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.”
  • “What does a baby computer call his father? Data.”
  • “Son: Dad, I’m hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I’m Dad.”
  • “I sold our vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.”
  • “A pony with a cough is just a little horse.”
  • “How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?”
  • “I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads.”
  • “Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.”
  • Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!”
  • “I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.

  • “I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.”
  • “The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
  • “Can February March? No, but April May!”
  • “”What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s Pop Corn?””
  • “If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?”
  • “Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.”
  • “Keep the dream alive, and hit the snooze button.”
  • “”How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?” “You follow the fresh prints.””
  • “What is a funny mountain called? Hill-arious.”
  • “”Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!””
  • “Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.”
  • “”I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.””
  • “I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap.”
  • “Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.”
  • “Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
  • “I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?”
  • “”What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.””
  • “I was addicted to the hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.”
  • “”Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!””
  • “Talk is cheap until you talk to a lawyer.”
  • “The waiter asked if I wanted a box for my leftovers, but I told him I’m not into fighting.”
  • “”I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.””
  • “When does a joke become a “dad joke”? When it becomes apparent.”